I have dedicated most of my life to working with families and children. I have found that even in the most dysfunctional families I can help make a difference if I can get the families to discuss their issues and learn to enjoy each other’s company. I do this through many techniques and also through the use of humor.
One of the first things I have families do is to shut off their television sets at least one hour a week. I ask them to fill this time by developing crafts and hobbies that can involve all the family members. Depending upon the size of the family and the age of the children I make several suggestions of crafts and hobbies that the family can try. For some families that do not have any financial resources to spend on crafts and hobbies I will bring them a jigsaw puzzle. I encourage them to get a large piece of card board to put the puzzle together on so that they can slide it under the couch or bed when they are not working on it. Jigsaw puzzles are inexpensive and there are usually many available at second hand stores. An intern that was working with me was very motivated to getting families to talk to each other and share their feelings with one another. She was frustrated that I encouraged them to do crafts and hobbies together rather than having them sit in the living room and talk. I explained to her that I have found that it is easier for people to talk to each other when they are doing something. For families that have not communicated for years it is too difficult to start by talking about serious issues and feelings. If they begin by discussing the crafts and hobbies that they are working on they develop a basis for future discussions of the more complicated issues. I could tell that she was not convinced about my methods; however after two months of visiting with a family that was especially volatile on our first meeting, she realized that they were communicating better. They were discussing the puzzle they were working on and they were sitting together in the same room without yelling at each other. One thing I have learned through the use of crafts and hobbies is that it gives a family a non threatening way to spend time together. It also strengthens relationships for future hard topics that need to be discussed. It is harder for family members to go back to yelling and screaming at each other when they have formed a bond through spending time together.
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